Making difficult decisions and trusting in God

If you’re like me it can be scary at times trying to work out what to do. There are times when we are at the cross roads, facing some difficult decisions and we’re not sure which way to go. Do we marry or not not? Do we quit or not? Do we move house or not? Do we close up something or keep going in the hope that things will get better? Sometimes we just don’t know what to do. Is it any wonder many of us are chronic procrastinators wishing there was someone who could just tell us what to do.

Of course there are lots of people who are ready to tell us what to do. But therein lies the problem. Where one person tells us to do one thing another person tells us to do something very different, if not the opposite. Ugggh!!! So we are back to square one  asking the same question “What do I do?”

What makes it all the more difficult is that we really can’t tell which is the right decision. Ecclesiastes 9:1, 11,12  reminds us that we can never know whether blessing or tragedy awaits us. Even despite the best preparation the future is always a mystery. We just don’t know. So what do we do? Here are a few thoughts,

a. Be Wise. In other words think through the issues carefully. Do your research. Ask for advice. get a second opinion and a third. That’s enough. Then think!! Think!! Think!. However, that being said,  it this is still never enough as experience proves. What else is needed? This leads to my second point. …

b. Trust God: While  wisdom and thinking is important it has it’s limitations. All our planning and preparation can never guarantee a good result. Sometimes it does but in many cases it does not. Why? Because life is not like that. While it is not chaotic (God is in charge and therefore cannot be chaotic) but it is definitely unpredictable. A lot of us know this in our minds but often this is nothing more than paying lip service. So when the  hard times suddenly hits us from no where we are shocked in disbelief and ask “Where did that come from?” That is a silly question, Life is like this. If we truly truly believe life is unpredictable despite our best efforts then we shouldn’t be shocked. So life is unpredictable!

But it also needs to be said that life, for the true followers of the Lord Jesus life, is and ALWAYS  ALWAYS will be in our favour. This doesn’t mean that life will be easy and sweet and that I’ll never loose my job or get a cold. Not so!. It simply means that whatever happens to us, good or bad, it will always be for our ultimate good.

How can this be? Because it was in the death of Jesus that all God’s anger was fully dissipated on the fragile body of His one and only Son, the Lord Jesus. And since God’s anger against us was fully poured out on his Son, then only love and blessings will follow his people all the days of his life. Romans 8:28,29 reminds us that in ALL things (in the good days and the bad days, when the sun is shining and when the day is stormy) God is working for our ultimate good. This ultimate good is to transform us into better people. Indeed it is to transform us into the likeness of His son.

This should give us great confidence in making decisions because the good that God is doing in our lives is not dependent on the rightness of our decision. God forbid! It is dependent on the wisdom, the power and the sure love of God for us in Christ Jesus.

So given this what then should we do? It’s obvious isn’t it.

c. Make a decisions. In other words, stop procrastinating and for heaven’s sake make a decision.”But we still don’t know what to do?” Make a decision!!! Nothing more and nothing less. Just do something!!! It is as simple as that. DO SOMETHING! MAKE A DECISION. “But I’m still not sure!” Well that’s life. We will never ever be sure. We can never ever be sure. Sure there are some decisions where it is clear what should be done. There  are also decisions where it really doesn’t matter. But there are issues which are really really big and we are fearful of making the wrong decision. This is why, after all the talking, thinking and researching we need to entrust the future into the hands of a God who is on our side because of the death of the Lord Jesus. So making in many cases, making a decision is not about having all the answers but recognising that we don’t have all the answers but are prepared to move forward in trust and confidence.

But what if the decision is wrong?

OK it’s wrong! Learn from it. Get over it and remember Jesus died for you. 

What if things go horribly wrong?

OK. Trust God and remember Jesus is at the right hand of God interceding for us

In short after all has been said and done, for heaven’s sake, be courageous, have faith and make a decision.

d. Give thanks. But lastly give thanks. A key character  trait of the Christian person is thankfulness. It is one of the fruits of the Spirit (Gal 5:22) and it is the constant encouragement of Paul in Philippians 4:4. And remember when Paul wrotes these words it was not from a nice holiday resort in the Bahamas. He was stuck in prison. As well as this there were so called ‘brothers’ who, instead of trying to support him, were trying to make life hard for him (Philippians 1:15-17). However he could rejoice because, despite his situation, he knew there was and is a God who loved him. a Lord Jesus who died for him, the Spirit of God who is transforming him, a hope that has been promised to him and a life that is working in his favour because for those who are in Christ Jesus there is nothing in heaven or hell that can ever separate us from the love of God that is in Christ Jesus. Romans 8:38,39

Some Biblical Reflections on Clubbing

A few people have asked me about a biblical perspective on clubbing and to write a blog about it. Not being a great ‘clubber’ myself I have been very reiticient to say anything about it. However, because Clubbing is such a big thing on the social calendar of many today and many of our friends (not my friends – Most of them now hang around funerals) I thought I’d give it a shot to offer a very layman’s perspective on this ‘important’ social phenomena.

So what do i think about ‘clubbing’? As always it often depends on what we mean by ‘clubbing’? If we take the modern idea of clubbing, ie about having a good time out at a night club, drinking with some friends, listening to ear piercing music and dancing the night away then probably it is OK!. The bible is not against having a few drinks.  It has nothing against dancing and nothing against music even loud music with drums.

However, as with all good things,  they can be distorted to the point of being both ungodly and dangerous. Having a glass of wine is not wrong, indeed, as we all know Jesus turned water into wine (John 2)  However the bible has a  very very very strong word against excessive drinking and drunkenness  It has nothing against dancing but unfortunately moden day dance forms, particularly in a clubbing setting (this is only a perception – remember I’m not a clubber) seems far from harmless. Physical closeness is the name of the game in much modern dance parties particularly in a clubbing setting.  And music? It is hard to know where to begin. Like many things music is never neutral. When I listen to some of today’s  top hits most of these are about sleeping around  and having lots of good sex – and I’m not talking about sex with your wife.  So if we see clubbing in this sense then I’d have to say we need to stay away.

So is clubbing ok or not? It always depends on your definition. Simply put , it is yes and no! The bible seems to give us a lot of freedom on this matter as long as we stay within the boundaries of Godliness. Thankfully those who have asked me are sensible enough to know that the second definition of ‘clubbing’ is out of bounds. So the question more precisely is whether it is Ok for a Christian to go to a night club? Again the answer is a simple Yes and No!

Yes it is OK because of the freedom we have in Christ. However, as Paul tell us, it is not so simple as that for a number of reasons.

First, while the bible gives us a lot of freedom, Paul also tells us that not all things are beneficial for our godliness.

23 “Everything is permissible” –but not everything is beneficial. “Everything is permissible” –but not everything is constructive. 24 Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others.
1 Corinthians 10:23, 24, NIV.

Here Paul is quoting the Corinthians motto “everything is permissible” to which Paul says “…but not everything is constructive”. And given the character of the clubbing culture and the highly charged environment one has to ask whether it is actually good for our godliness and for others, or at least does not threaten our godliness.

But this brings us to the second point. While it might be OK for us, another thing we need to consider is whether it is good for others. This is the last point Paul makes in his response to the Corinthians. When you think about it is this is quite a radical response. In our individualistic hedonistic society the most important question is “Do I like it?”, “Is it good for ME?” In other words, in our self centred world, the self is the most important element in answering any question. In the Christian world view, not only do we need to consider self, but also it’s impact on others. In any Christian decisions we cannot ignore the importance of  Paul’s response: “Nobody should seek his own good, but the good of others”. This focus on building others up lies at the heart of Christian love. So while God has given us enormous enormous freedom, at the same time  our freedom is to be subservient to the good of others for their building up in the holiness and godliness Martin Luther, that great German reformer of the 1500′s had this to say about Christian liberty.

 A Christian man is the most free lord of all, and subject to none; a Christian man is the most dutiful servant of all, and subject to every one.
Concerning Christian Liberty. Martin Luther

So when asking “is Clubbing OK?” it is not just a matter of personal freedom, but also about caring and protecting the sensibility of others and doing what will build them up in Godliness and in Christ likeness.

Having said this please don’t hear me wrongly. I am definitely not advocating separating ourselves from the world. If we are going to reach the world we need to hang out with our friends. I think the greatest tragedy of many Christians is that they are so busy with the world that they have withdrawn from the world and no longer know how to engage with the world. This is a great tragedy.  If we are going to reach the world we need to get back into the world and socialise with our friends. Jesus hung around with the prostitutes and tax-collectors. He wined and dined with Matthew’s mates. Jesus tells us that we are in the world but are not part of this world. And Paul himself tells us that we are not to withdraw fron the world.

But having said this it’s one thing to talk about what we can’t do but it is another thing to talk about what we should be doing and on this the bible has so much to say.

8 Finally, brothers, whatever is true, whatever is noble, whatever is right, whatever is pure, whatever is lovely, whatever is admirable–if anything is excellent or praiseworthy–think about such things. 9 Whatever you have learned or received or heard from me, or seen in me–put it into practice. And the God of peace will be with you. Philippians 4:8, 9, NIV.

15 Be very careful, then, how you live–not as unwise but as wise, 16 making the most of every opportunity, because the days are evil. 17 Therefore do not be foolish, but understand what the Lord’s will is. 18 Do not get drunk on wine, which leads to debauchery. Instead, be filled with the Spirit. 19 Speak to one another with psalms, hymns and spiritual songs. Sing and make music in your heart to the Lord, 20 always giving thanks to God the Father for everything, in the name of our Lord Jesus Christ. Ephesians 5:15-20, NIV.

These are great passages that emphasize the things that should fill our minds and our conduct. Sometimes questions like “Is Clubbing OK?” is like the little boy who wants to see how close he can get to the fire without getting hurt. As Christians we do need to think about how to think biblically about our culture including “Clubbing” . However we need to be careful that our questions do not come from a heart that wants to see how close we can get to the fire without getting hurt. Rather it comes from a heart that seeks to honour God as we live in this world in a way that engages with the world and yet is different to the world.

So in summary is clubbing Ok? Simply put Yes and No! In other words – It all depends and as always “It depends”  answers means it is not a matter of right or wrong, but of wisdom. So be wise and be godly. And since we are called to be godly and wise it all depends.

Anyway these are my lame reflections.

To leave or not to leave?

It is astonishing how many people keep talking to me about the problems of their church and the wondering whether it’s time to leave or not. But then again I guess we shouldn’t be so surprised. Every NT letter was written to churches with problems of some sort. And then of course we have the churches in Revelation. Each of them struggling with problems, either on the inside or outside. So when you look at the church you have to wonder “What on earth is God doing?” The church is a real basket case yet despite this God continues to love her.

OK that being said what do you do with the church? Well here is the problem. For every question we have there are undoubtedly a thousand and one different answers.

You see the problem has to do with the nature of the problem itself. In most cases, and I would say most cases, the issue falls into the grey zone.  People have complained  about the quality of the sermon, the quality of the leadership, the style of the service, the language used, music, ethnicity, buildings, money, ties, caps, raising hands or not, the length of the service, communication protocol or lack thereof, red tape, rudeness, arrogance, laziness etc etc etc. Very rarely has anyone talked to me about anything that is life or death, heaven or hell or anything like this. And even when they have, there is still a world of difference between how we deal with the problem. Some want to take the issue head on. Some believe we need to take it slowly. Others think we should leave. Still others think we should stay. The range of answer are as many as the sands on the seashore. Ok that’s a bit of an exaggeration but I think you get my point. Life and ministry is COMPLICATED.

So simply asking for different opinions only results in different opinions. Who is right? Who is wrong? Well that’s problem – in grey zones cases there is no right or wrong. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m no fan of Rob Bell or Brian MacClaren. I believe there are truths and black and whites. But I also believe there are many grey zones where there are no definitive answers.

How do we make decisions in these areas? We need wisdom. But here is the thing with wisdom – for every answer to a question there are probably ten other questions that follow close behind. There are many factors that lead one person to do one thing and someone else to do something entirely different. Is it any wonder that we wish someone would just tell us what to do. But herein lies the problem – who do I listen to? Who is right or who is wrong? Ok were back to where we began.  Ugggh. Why couldn’t life be so simple?

In such matters it boils down to a judgement call. At the end of the day we have to make up OUR MIND. No one can tell us what to do. People can help us think through things but each person has to make up their own mind and here is the thing I’ve been saying again and again. – people will come to different  conclusions. That’s just the way life is and there is nothing we can do about it – read Ecclesiastes.

I remember when I first decided to go back to the Chinese church many of my friends thought I was insane. The Chinese church was a waste of time they said. Many thought I could use my time better outside the Chinese church. For this reason many have opted for  “greener pastures”. Despite this I decided to stay and to stick it out. My years in ministry have not been easy. There have been times when I’ve contemplated leaving. Sometimes the wheels of change move very very slowly. But was it the ‘right’ decision? Who knows? Maybe I could have done more for the gospel outside the Chinese Church but then again it might have been a dead end. Who knows? That’s the nature of  wisdom. We can only make an ‘educated and prayerful guess”. Again read Ecclesiastes as well as Job. At the end of the day everyone has to make up their own minds what to do.

That being said, this is not a jump in the dark. We are constantly reassured in Scripture that God will grant us wisdom if we ask for it (James 1:5). Paul reminds us that our minds are being renewed so that we will be able to know the mind and will of God (Romans 12:2). God has constructed the wisdom in wisdom (See the book of Proverbs) and we have this word which is the source of all wisdom. Finally we are encouraged that God works in all things, without exception, for our ultimate good (See Romans 8:28,29).

What does this mean?

1. Pray for wisdom
2. Seek godly advice
3. be courageous
4. Make a decision
5. Trust God

One final thing, if people decide differently show respect. We need to heed the words of 1 Cor 4:4,5

“My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.” 1 Corinthians 4:4, 5, NIV.

For heaven’s sake STOP asking for God’s Guidance

I’ve worked out that if you really want to attract people then talk about God’s guidance. Everyone loves to hear talks about “What God’s will for my life is!” It seems we can’t get enough of this. Maybe this reflects just how anxious and nervous we are. We like to be know what lies ahead of us so that we can be prepared for it or else work out a way to avoid it if at all possible.

Behind this lies this desire to get back into the Garden of Eden where everything was perfect and everything worked out perfectly. No one likes making mistakes and worse still, no one likes coming out second best because we botched things up in our decision making process. We all crave for the perfect world where everything goes according to plan. I guess this is why guidance is such a lucrative industry in our world.

When Adam and Eve ate the fruit believing it was the getting of wisdom and the key to a good life they were so totally wrong. Now that we are outside the Garden we are still trying to work out how to live in this complex, strange and often hostile world. So anyone who can navigate a path for us is always going to get our attention.

With regards to this, when we talk about God’s guidance, usually it has these principles. You can know it’s God’s will..

• if you have peace in your heart
• if there is an open door before you
• if you have inner promptings and small still voices
• if others agree

However I think there are problem with these principles that can leave a person none the wiser. I’m not suggesting that are bad. All I’m saying is that they are not good enough. So what are the problems?

• Inner peace can often be a mask for selfish desires
• Open doors may not necessarily mean we have to walk through them. So do you walk through it or not?
• People often don’t agree. For every advice I get, there are others who will give completely different suggestions. In the end I’m left wandering who to believe.
• Inner promptings can be because you didn’t eat well.

Oh yes there is one other thing – it needs to be according to scripture. So I guess if you can tick off each and everyone of these principles  you can can then be sure it’s God’s will for you. But like I said, for all that people know, people are still unsettled and unsure.

Ok that being said I want to suggest that people who are forever trying to find God’s guidance in all areas of their lives are like little children who refuse to grow up. Pretty harsh word but let me explain myself before you come gunning for me.

My kids are great. When they were really really small they kept asking me what to do? Where are their shoes? What should they wear to go out? What should they eat for breakfast? What should they play with etc. The questions were endless. My aim was to teach them, not only what is right or wrong, good and bad, but also how to think for themselves so that they don’t have to keep asking me what they should do every minute of the day. Now that they’re much older they are still asking me questions, but they are far fewer. They are learning to think for themselves and to make their own decision.

I remember one day my 11 yr old daughter asked me what she should do about church. She wasn’t sure if she should go to this church or that one. In the end I said that both were OK and that she needs to make the decision herself. Even though she asked me I wasn’t going to tell her because I wanted her to learn to make  the decision herself. So I gave a few tips in thinking through how to choose. In the end she made her decision and I supported her.

As a father I see my role is to teach her clearly what is right and wrong. But I also see my role as to teach her how to think for herself. Making your own decision is a sign of maturity. Which is why I think a lot of us never grow up. Having others tell us what to do is always safe because we don’t have to take responsibility for what happens. It is also safe because it reduces the risk of making mistakes because someone who knows is telling us the answers.  But growing up involves making mistakes, taking chances and learning from our falls. This is life.

In this I wonder if God is no different. While He has given us His scriptures where He clearly teaches us what is right and wrong, good and bad, there are many things were the scripture refuses to tells us what to do. Instead it teaches us how to think and challenges us to go and make a decision. This is called “Wisdom”.

Some of the most important books we keep overlooking in thinking about God’s guidance are the Wisdom books ie Job, Song of Songs, Proverbs and Ecclesiastes. Their unique contribution to the whole matter of God’s guidance is that they tell us that there is a side of life where the question is not “What does God want me to do?” but rather “How does God help me to think about things so that “I” can decide what “I” should do in the light of His word.?”

As with my children I will forever be telling them what is right or wrong even in their old age. In their 20′s or 30′s or however old they are, if they are doing something fragrantly wrong, I will tell them. But I hope that as they grow older, I have helped shaped their minds so  much so that, not only will they know what is right and wrong, but they will also be able to work things out for themselves and make decisions that are filled with biblical wisdom. This doesn’t make decision making easy but it does teach people to grow up.

God wants us to stop being like babies and to grow up. His word will forever tell us what is right and wrong, what is good and what is bad. But His word is also sufficient to teach us how to think about things so that we can make up our  own minds and so live lives pleasing to Him.

So for heaven’s sake, I think it’s time to stop asking God for guidance in the matters where He expects us to think for ourselves and grow up. In such areas a better thing to ask for is Wisdom.

“If any of you lacks wisdom, he should ask God, who gives generously to all without finding fault, and it will be given to him.” James 1:5, NIV.