Does our love drive people away from the church or brings them to church?

I don’t know about you but most churches are obsessed about loving each other. Every church I know talks about how we need to love each other. more and more. I remember that our theme for one year was “Love in action”. It’s a nice theme and, like every other church we want to try our best to be biblical and promote a theme which the bible is very big on. Consider the following passages:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.”” 
John 13:34, 35, NIV.

“I have given them the glory that you gave me, that they may be one as we are one: I in them and you in me. May they be brought to complete unity to let the world know that you sent me and have loved them even as you have loved me.” 
John 17:22, 23, NIV.

“Dear friends, let us love one another, for love comes from God. Everyone who loves has been born of God and knows God. Whoever does not love does not know God, because God is love.” 
1 John 4:7, 8, NIV.

“And now these three remain: faith, hope and love. But the greatest of these is love.” 
1 Corinthians 13:13, NIV.

“Above all, love each other deeply, because love covers over a multitude of sins.” 
1 Peter 4:8, NIV.

However despite all our talk about being more loving to each other in order to be a witness to the world the reality is that it keeps  turning people  off and driving them away from the church.  Huh? So what’s going on here?

I think the problem is that we haven’t really understood Jesus’ command properly. If we go back to John 13:34, 35 there is a very very  important phrase that most ‘loving’ church people keep missing out on. It’s the phrase

“…as I have loved you.”

In other words what Jesus is commanding his disciples to do is not simply to love each other. He is asking them to do so much more. He is commanding them to love each other in the Jesus way. In other words what Jesus highlights is that there is more that one type of love floating in our world.

There is the type of love which the world operates by. Remember Matthew 5:46, 47? Jesus tells us that even the pagans and tax collectors love their own.  How so? It’s very simple –  I will love you if you are loveable and good and nice to me otherwise get out of my way and get lost. It’s the typical “You scratch my back and I’ll scratch yours”. Now if this is how the world’s love operates, what happens if you are not good and nice to me? Then I will be bad and nasty to you. In the end we end up arguing, killing each other, back stabbing, etc etc. And when this happens what’s next on the agenda?  If you can’t resolve it, which, unfortunately is generally what happens, you split. For all the endless talks about love, for all the songs we sing about love,  in practice our world continues to war with each other – in the family, in the workplace, in our community. Sadly this is what happens far too often in the Churches. For all our talk about loving each other, it is nothing other than loving each in the way the world does it. Sadly that is not very very impressive.

In contrast  Jesus is telling us, NOT to love each like the world, but to love the Jesus way.How did Jesus loved us? He did not love his friends. Rather he loved his enemies and turned them into friends.

“43 “You have heard that it was said, ‘Love your neighbour and hate your enemy.’44 But I tell you: Love your enemies and pray for those who persecute you, 45 that you may be sons of your Father in heaven. He causes his sun to rise on the evil and the good, and sends rain on the righteous and the unrighteous. 46 If you love those who love you, what reward will you get? Are not even the tax collectors doing that? 47 And if you greet only your brothers, what are you doing more than others? Do not even pagans do that? 48 Be perfect, therefore, as your heavenly Father is perfect.” 
Matthew 5:43-48, NIV.

or what about this passage from Romans:

“7 Very rarely will anyone die for a righteous man, though for a good man someone might possibly dare to die. 8 But God demonstrates his own love for us in this: While we were still sinners, Christ died for us. 9 Since we have now been justified by his blood, how much more shall we be saved from God’s wrath through him! 10 For if, when we were God’s enemies, we were reconciled to him through the death of his Son, how much more, having been reconciled, shall we be saved through his life!”
Romans 5:7-10, NIV.

Loving the Jesus way is not about loving those who are nice to us. Quite the opposite. Loving the Jesus way is loving those who are nasty and unkind to us. it is only when we can love the Jesus way that people will look at the church and be astonished how people from hostile background can get along with each in such a loving way.

We can talk all we like about love – indeed the Beatles constantly sang about love and tells us that all we need is love, love, love. But their brand of love was never able to make a difference. Jesus commands us to love his way and it is only when we love his way that the world will know that we are his disciples.

Loving each other even if it stings like hell.

What’s going on? Over the years I’ve come across case after case of ministers resigning from one church after another. I’ve heard of Christians flatting out that has ended in less than favourable terms. I’ve heard of squabbling between leaders and of Christians who struggled to work with each other. And sadly such incidences does not seem to be petering off. If anything I’m sure what I’ve heard and seen is just the tip of the iceberg. So I’ve got to ask myself “What’s going on?” What’s wrong with the church today?

My thoughts are that this is normal. I’m not saying it’s good, nor am I saying it’s acceptable. I’m merely saying that this is what life is like and this is what the church is like.

We keep expecting the church to be the perfect bride she was called to be and a place where everyone comes to church, smiles at each other, say nice things and are always wiling to help. Well I think the church is a lot better than the groups I’ve been in, but I think we might be living in dream land for  this. As I said I think the Christian community is very different to the communities of the world. HOWEVER she is not perfect. Indeed she can be a pain in the %^&&*%^& until Jesus returns.

Until such time, sin is still a major problem. Remember that our sanctification is not a one night wonder. How we wish it were, but it isn’t. It will take a life time of work. Which means that there will still be greed, selfishness, anger, jealousy etc etc. You name it the church will have it. However because the spirit of God dwells in his people, they will improve (Over time) but it can be slow and painful as God teaches us to grow up.

What are we to do in the meantime? Well Jesus tells us doesn’t he:?

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34,35

We all know the commandment, but what we forget is that by the very fact that Jesus has to say it means that it is not something we will find easy to do. It’s worth remembering that the bible has to repeat this over and over again, and Jesus has to pray for Christian unity (John 17) etc etc, which means that learning to love one anotehr is a particularly difficult and painful work. Just think about all the letters in the NT. A constant and repeated theme is the need to love one another. The bible harp on this not because we are particularly good at this, but rather because we are so bad at it.

In 1 Cor 12:31 Paul reminds them that love is the most excellent way, rather than being loaded up with lots of spiritual gifts.  Remember that 1 Cor 13 (that famous passage about love)  was not written for a wedding about a couple madly in love with each other. Rather it was written to a church riddled with strife.

And remember that great passage about the fruit of the spirit in Galatians 5:22-25. Just before this he encourages them to stop trying to kill each other. (Gal 5:15).

And do you also remember that great statement in 1 John 4:10 about what love is: “This is love: not that we loved God, but that he loved us and sent his Son as an atoning sacrifice for our sins.” Again when you read this short letter it becomes very clear that they had difficulties loving each other.

Remember that the Ephesians had racism. The Philippians had the problem between Syntyche, and Euodia (Philippians 4:2). Titus had to qell the unrest in the churches in Crete (Titus 1:10,11)

Oh yes and don’t forget James. Listen to how much fighting there was going on in that church:

What causes fights and quarrels among you? Don’t they come from your desires that battle within you? You want something but don’t get it. You kill and covet, but you cannot have what you want. You quarrel and fight. You do not have, because you do not ask God. James 4:1,2

I’m sure they weren’t literallly killing each other but to use such strong tones suggest that things were not good in the church. The list goes on and on and on.

So what do we do in the meantime when someone in the church has a go at us, says malicious word, is selfish, unkind, uncharitable, ungracious, etc etc? We need to take heed of our lord’s word:

“A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another. By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another.” John 13:34,35

We need to remember that he didn’t love us because we were so loving. He loved us even though loving us was the last thing we deserved – but that’s grace isn’t it. I guess in the same way we are called to love each other, but what makes Christian love so unique is that we are commanded to love each other even if it stings like hell. Hmmm…. I guess that’s what Jesus had to go through for us and thus what he calls us to do. Tough call!