Dealing with Church Conflicts – the missing element

Well it’s been an interesting week. I was speaking to a young leader and he was telling how he has recently had a falling out with a co-leader. My wife is currently trying to be a mediator between two parties which are tearing each other apart. As well as that I’m trying to be a mediator between a husband and wife which is clearly heading towards divorce.

What a shocker of a week. But when you think about it this is, sadly what life is like. Conflict is part of our DNA. When the first couple (i.e. Adam and Eve) rebelled against God, everything fell apart and every relationship was destroyed. Since then our world has only known conflict after conflict after conflict. One guy worked out that in the entire span of written history man has only known 300 yrs of world peace. Not a good track record.

OK that’s the world but surely, as believers we should be able to handle it better? Well I believe we should and can but I think we’ve forgotten the key to handling conflicts.

So how do we do it? There are different ways we approach it. The most common is to get people to talk to each other and understand each other. It all sounds good but my experience has shown me that this often doesn’t work. I’m not saying that it’s bad. But I am saying that often there is a lot of bad blood that has already been happened that makes communication very very awkward.

Alternatively we try to by-pass the conflicts and set up some neutral zone to keep both parties apart so that they don’t kill each other. The UN calls this peace keeping but in reality it is only keeping people away from each other. In a church context what we do is set up committee after committee after committee, all in an attempt to address the symptom. In doing this we are trying to organise away the conflict. However all this does is simply make people extra busy, create all sorts of red-tape and ultimately bury the problem.

So what is the way forward? I want to suggest that the missing element is ‘forgiveness’. It is the ONLY way we can deal with the conflict, with the hurt and the only way to reconcile enemies.

Communication and organising things better is good in managing how we work with each other but that is all they are – they are management tools. They have no power to deal with conflicts. Only forgiveness has that ability to reconcile people. In forgiveness we choose not to punish the other person as they deserve. In forgiveness we are willing to wipe the slate clean of the hurt and to aim for reconciliation. In forgiveness we are prepared to put aside the damage that has been done. Indeed in forgiveness we are prepared to accept the damage so that a relationship can be maintained.

Now when you think about it that essentially is how God resolves the conflict between himself and us. He reconciles us by forgiving us. But he is able to forgive us because he was prepared to accept the damage himself by sending his son to die in our place.

What this tells us is that true forgiveness that brings reconciliation is never cheap. it is always painful. But instead of taking the pain on our enemy we absorb the pain into ourselves in order to love our enemy and be at peace with them.

So this is where the rubber hits the road. When things have fallen foul between yourself and someone else, or if you are the meditator between two groups the most important question everyone needs to ask is “Will you forgive me?” and/or “Will you forgive the other person?”

This is why Christians have the edge in dealing with conflict over and above unbelievers. Whereas the unbelieving world has no understanding of forgiveness, forgiveness lies at the heart of the Christian gospel. If we have truly understood God’s forgiveness then we will understand what we are called to do with others whom we have hurt.

And this is why, in the world, there can never ever be an end to war. But at least in the church we do have real hope that things can and will get better.

Will you Forgive…..? Until we come to this point we can talk all we like, we can organise all the committees we like but we will never truly reconcile people. We will only bury the conflict and relationships become nothing more than mere diplomacy.

Forgiveness – the missing key in conflict resolution.

This is my reflection

What do I think about Charismatics?

Well I know this is going to catch the eyes of a lot of people simply because of how controversial this subject is, however a lot of people keep asking me this question, so I thought I might as well give it some thought.

I guess the first thing that comes to mind is “What do you mean by Charismatic?” In other words the label itself masks an enormous diversity that exists within the so-called charismatic movement.  These days we talk about wacko Charismatics and moderate Charismatics. The famous Mark Driscoll talks about Charismatics with seat-belts. We even now have the ‘reformed’ charismatics. Still others use the term, not to describe a theological position but a style of worship. I was talking to a friend who said his worship service was “charismatic”. What he meant was that they have drums, raise their hands and the person upfront uses a roaming mic. In short the question assumes a homogeneity that doesn’t seem to exist within the group, well not from what I can see.

However the problem of ‘labelling’ people is not simply confined to the ‘charismatic’ movement. We use other labels like Evangelical, Reformed, Calvinists, Lutherans etc. From what I’ve heard about in the States an evangelical is anyone who is not a Catholic and calls themselves a Christian. Even the word Christian is almost meaningless these day. Anyway who goes to church, tries to be a good person and knows the golden rule (and nothing else because they have never read the bible) and vote for one political party would happily call them self a Christian. A few years ago I heard a radio talk back show host describe Australia as a Christian country even though, at the time, church attendance at the time was only in the order of about 4%.

The difficulty of labelling people was highlighted to me a few years ago.  I was participating in a conference where two pastors friends were preaching. Prior to the conference we were gently cautioned to be careful of pushing the “Reformed” label. We were sensitive that in the past there had been some issue with pastors who held to a reformed position, so we wanted to be sensitive, gracious yet not compromise on foundational truths. Although the label was never used, my friends nevertheless preached the scriptures and unpacked what has traditionally been called ‘reformed’ theology (but without the label) They spoke about Scripture alone, Christ alone, Grace alone and Faith alone. There was no holding back on this. My friends preached it hard, powerfully and graciously. After the conference one of the delegates feedback was that she was thankful that we did not preach ‘reformed’ theology but simply stuck to the bible. You can imagine that we were somewhat amused.

No one wants to be labelled but unfortunately it is not something we can avoid. We all do it. It’s part of life.  But that being said, I would suggest that it is not necessarily a bad thing, nor something we should avoid. The truth of the matter is that we need to put labels on things, churches, movements and groups otherwise it’s very very difficult to hold a conversation. Indeed labelling is an essential part of conversation. They are short hand ways of explaining ideas, practices, customs or whatever it is. As such it saves us having to keep describing something again and again in every sentence. Without labels conversations would becomes awkward, tedious and tiresome. Therefore categorizing and labelling people and groups etc makes our conversations both efficient and effective.

Be that as it may,  I want to suggest that the real problem is not in the labelling but HOW we use these labels. As we all know from experience people can often use the same words but mean very very different things. Alternatively we can have people who are essentially saying and believing the same thing but are simply using very different words. Words and meaning – if they do not match up between groups can cause all sorts of confusion and conflict. Now admittedly some conflict is necessary. We are told that the Devil often disguises himself as an angel of light. However in other cases the conflict was purely unnecessary because people were essentially saying the same thing but saying it in very different ways.  So in my experience I find people who don’t like being called “reformed’ still holding on to reform theology. They simply don’t like the label for whatever reason.

What are the implications of this? In some cases an inappropriate use of labels means we end up sleeping with the enemy. So choosing the right label helps to distinguish the truth from the lies.  In other cases it unfortunately creates division between those who are essentially on the same page, but, for various reasons, use the labels differently.

What this essentially means is that labelling, branding, categorizing (whatever you want to call it) only really works between people who use the label in the same way. Outside this group it can cause all sorts of problems and confusion.

What this means is that we need to know who we are talking. When this is clearly established then we will know how to talk with them. So amongst some people when I label myself as “reformed” we are talking the same language and conversation becomes efficient and effective. However in other circles the label is unnecessarily inflammatory, not because they reject reform theology but because, in their mind, it conjures up a certain caricature, which I personally would also reject. Maybe describing myself as ‘biblical’ might be better? However we call ourselves  we need to be conscious of how ‘we’ and ‘they’ are using the label.

So what do I think about the charismatic movement? Well I guess it comes back to my earlier question “What do you mean?”.

The least I can say is this. I’m not a very smart guy. I just scrapped through uni and theological college. I love apple computers and Star Trek. And I am no expert on the Charismatic movement. But this I know. I believe in the supreme authority of scripture and its sufficiency for all matters of doctrine and faith beyond which nothing else is necessary or essential for salvation. I believe that we are saved through Christ alone, Grace Alone and faith alone. I believe that all men, without exception were born in sin and as such are totally and completely unable to do anything good or to save themselves and as such live under the anger and wrath of  a holy and just God. Furthermore I believe that God has generously and unconditionally chosen some from before creation itself to be saved. Without this unconditional election no one could be saved at all.  I believe that Christ died as our substitute and a propitiation for our sins. I believe that those whom he has elected he calls through the preaching of the gospel and, through the regenerating work of the spirit gives them new life so that they can turn to Christ in faith and repentance. And I believe that all those whom God has called to himself he will enable them to persevere to the very end.

This is what I believe. So what do I think about the charismatic? I guess it all depends but like I said I’m not that smart. But one thing I can say – anyone who holds to the above is OK in my books.

Some more reflections on burn out and surviving and thriving in ministry

I’ve been doing some more thinking about this whole idea of spiritual burn out and how to survive and thrive ministry. The other day I asked a friend to ask some of his ministry friends what they think is the key to surviving and thriving ministry. The answer that came back was not surprising such as

• rest
• spend time with family
• spend time with God
• long term planning
• know thyself
• Build relationships

In and of themselves they are not wrong. but I wonder if this is sufficient. Like I said on previous occasions, the drop out rate from ministry is tragically high. Why? I’m sure that many of us have not rested enough and nor invested in our marriages enough. But I wonder if this is still too simplistic.

If we are going to work out how to survive and thrive in any ministry we obviously need to have an accurate and clear understanding of the threats we face. What are they?  When I read the scriptures these are some of the dangers it warns us of?

• The love of the world
• The world’s hatred of us
• Fear of man rather than the fear of God
• False teaching
• Ungodliness
• The attack of the evil one

As I think about this list I think of  Demas (2 Tim 4:10) who loved the world more than God. I think of Hymenaeus and Philetus (2 Tim 2:17) who have wandered from the truth. I think of Peter, James and John  in Galatians 2:12 who were fearful of the circumcision party and compromised the gospel. And then there is Diotrephes in 3John 9 who was a real problem for the church. Revelation reminds us of people who were cowardly and gave up for fear of persecution. Peter reminds us in 1 Peter 5:1-3  to be careful of doing things for the love of money. And we have the book of Hebrews where people were losing hope in the Lord Jesus and going back to Judaism.  In other words, when I read the scriptures the dangers it warns us of are much much bigger than busyness, lack of time with our spouse, not having a vision etc. Sure these are things we have to watch out for but the bible draws attention to very different things and, dare I say, more foundational issues we need to be careful of.

Given this what then is the key to surviving and thriving in ministry? I started thinking through some of the passages where we are exhorted to hang in there. I’ve just collected a random sample. They are not in any special order. I just wrote them down as they came to mind, but it was enough to make me rethink about how to survive and thrive in ministry.

John 15:18-21  In a world that hates us Jesus reminds us to hold on to him 15:4

Heb 3:12,13; 10:24,25     Encourage each other less any of us be hardened by sins deceitfulness.

2 Tim 1:7,8 Be a man of courage. Hold firmly to the gospel

2 Tim 3:10-17 – Knowing there are dark days and difficult days ahead remember to hold firmly  to the scriptures and to the gospel

1 Tim 4:16 Watch your life and doctrine carefully so that by this you will save not only yourself but all those who listen

1 Tim 6:13-ff- remember we are serving the Lord and not the world

Heb 11 – we are surrounded by a cloud of witnesses, so look to them for encouragement in the face of uncertainty

Heb 12:1-3 – we have Jesus who is the pioneer of our faith so look to him

1 Peter 3:17,18 – If we are treated unjustly (which we will) then rejoice because we follow in the footsteps of our Lord and Saviour

Jude 20 – in the face of false teaching we are to build ourselves in our most holy faith

2 Cor 1:3,4 – in the midst of great heartache we need to remember there is a God who, in time will comfort us in order that we might be a comfort to others

Gal 5:25 – keep in step with the spirit

Ephesians 6:12-18 – stand firm and put on the full Armour of God

Matthew 7:24-27 – everyone who puts his teaching into practice will be able to stand firm against the storms of life

The exhortations are numberless but it’s made me think about what I need to be doing, however I think it can be summed up as follows

• Remember that ministry is a bloody war, both inside and outside the church, not a walk in the park
• Saturate yourself in the word of God
• Clothe yourself with the Lord Jesus
• Encourage one another because ministry is not a solo effort.
• When you get smashed and you will remember your not the first nor will  you be the last, nor are you alone. (Just make sure you don’t get smashed for being an idiot) We have a cloud of witnesses and besides Jesus got smashed as well.
• Remember that we serve God and not man so be a man not a wimp
• It is better to die for the gospel than of boredom.

Anyway these are just some more reflections on burn out and how to survive and thrive in ministry.

The church itself is a mission field

The big talk these days is to make the church missional. Everyone complains, as I do, that the church is too much like an exclusive club. We are too inward looking and not kingdom focused enough. We are more concerned about building our buildings than building God’s kingdom. And all the more when we recognize that there are still billions of people who have not heard the name of the Lord Jesus, and even many of those who have are hearing news about the wrong Jesus. So there is a lot of work out there. Sadly, as most of my friends feel and know, the church is far far too inward looking. The church needs to be missional. However I wonder if the lack of missional zeal comes from the fact that that we forget that the Church is a significantly overlooked mission in and of itself. Here is my thesis: We keep thinking the mission is “outside” the church. I want to argue that the mission field must “ALSO” include the church. Once we recognise this, being a missional church is only second nature.

We all know (well I hope we do?) that our ministry needs to be driven and shaped by our theology. All good and well. Unfortunately one important theological pillar we often ignore or have forgotten is our theology of the church, or more specifically the teaching of the ‘invisible’ vs. the ‘visible’ church.

This distinction goes back to the 4th century and has been used ever since. So what do we mean by the term? When we talk about the ‘visible’ church we are basically talking about bums on pew. In other words the the visible church is the church we can ‘see’. it refers to the church down the road and refers to all who are members – however we define membership – whether they are members because they come regularly, or because they have signed the form or because they call it home, or because they are serving in it – however we define it, the visible is the local church.

However the phrase was more significant than this. When the theologians used the term they were saying that the local visible church is a mixture of all sorts of people, both true believers and unbelievers. Sometimes this is easy to work out, but often times, even those who have been solid members for many years and are professing Christians may in fact be unregenerate.  As the great Augustine said, the visible church is a mixture of Wheat and Tares.

In contrast to this is the ‘invisible’ church’. Within the ‘visible’ church is the  ‘invisible’ church. In other words with the local church are true believers who are not just members of the local ‘visible’ church but ALSO members of the ‘invisible’ church. The ‘invisible’ church is truly the church of believers and the community of God’s people in the real sense of the word. And the reasons it is called ‘invisible’ are two. Firstly it is invisible because it is made up of believers throughout history and throughout the world, both alive and dead. Secondly, it is invisible because we can’t really distinguish, with all certainly within the local church, those who are genuine believers and those who are not. We’ve come across people who are a real a pain in the neck yet are still believers. Conversely we’ve come across really nice guys but who are still unbelievers. So it is invisible because we really can’t see the church. It is invisible not in the same way like the ‘invisible man’ but invisible in the sense that it cannot be discerned with our senses. Paul makes this point in 2 Tim 2:19. In the midst of some big names who have gone wonky with respect to the gospel we are reassured that God knows those who are truly his.

OK this is not a blog about the doctrine of the church. If you want to find out more just type in “invisible church” or something like this in google, or better still, go to one of the websites I’ve listed down the side column. The real point is that we need to know this doctrine because it will affect the way we ‘do’ church. A few things comes to mind.

a. It means we are always going to have problems in the church. Why? Because we will always have those who are not touched by the work of the Holy spirit. They might be regular church going people and serving on various boards etc but they may still be unregenerate. They might have all the trappings of being Christians but are still not believers. Whatever the scenario, because they are not believers they will always always be hostile to the gospel, either in a very overt manner, or in a quiet passive manner. Whatever the case they will always be a thorn in our side. But here is the thing we need to remember, no matter how hard we try, as long as we have the local visible church there will always be wheat and tares until the return of the Lord Jesus.

b. It means that the mission field is not just outside the church. It is also WITHIN the church. One of the biggest mistakes I hear many preachers make is to keep preaching as if everyone is a genuine believer.  However this doctrine should remind us that, no matter how long our members have been coning to our church and no matter how well we know them, the local church is the ‘visible’ church, and the ‘visible’ church will always consist, not only of the ‘invisible’ church but also those who are only members of the ‘visible’ church.

Understanding this means I need to come to church every Sunday recognising there will always always be people who are unbelievers, even some of the die hard church going members who have been very active members of the church for many many years. This is why I’m not too worried if I organise an evangelistic meeting, event or whatever and only church members come. I’m sure there are some of these guys who think they know the gospel but in actual fact don’t have the foggiest idea or the gospel has not taken root in their hearts.

So we leaders need to remember that mission must begin WITHIN the fall walls of the church.

Finally  I want to suggest that if our church is not missional maybe it is because we have forgotten that the mission field is right there in front of me when I get up and preach.

To leave or not to leave?

It is astonishing how many people keep talking to me about the problems of their church and the wondering whether it’s time to leave or not. But then again I guess we shouldn’t be so surprised. Every NT letter was written to churches with problems of some sort. And then of course we have the churches in Revelation. Each of them struggling with problems, either on the inside or outside. So when you look at the church you have to wonder “What on earth is God doing?” The church is a real basket case yet despite this God continues to love her.

OK that being said what do you do with the church? Well here is the problem. For every question we have there are undoubtedly a thousand and one different answers.

You see the problem has to do with the nature of the problem itself. In most cases, and I would say most cases, the issue falls into the grey zone.  People have complained  about the quality of the sermon, the quality of the leadership, the style of the service, the language used, music, ethnicity, buildings, money, ties, caps, raising hands or not, the length of the service, communication protocol or lack thereof, red tape, rudeness, arrogance, laziness etc etc etc. Very rarely has anyone talked to me about anything that is life or death, heaven or hell or anything like this. And even when they have, there is still a world of difference between how we deal with the problem. Some want to take the issue head on. Some believe we need to take it slowly. Others think we should leave. Still others think we should stay. The range of answer are as many as the sands on the seashore. Ok that’s a bit of an exaggeration but I think you get my point. Life and ministry is COMPLICATED.

So simply asking for different opinions only results in different opinions. Who is right? Who is wrong? Well that’s problem – in grey zones cases there is no right or wrong. Now don’t get me wrong. I’m no fan of Rob Bell or Brian MacClaren. I believe there are truths and black and whites. But I also believe there are many grey zones where there are no definitive answers.

How do we make decisions in these areas? We need wisdom. But here is the thing with wisdom – for every answer to a question there are probably ten other questions that follow close behind. There are many factors that lead one person to do one thing and someone else to do something entirely different. Is it any wonder that we wish someone would just tell us what to do. But herein lies the problem – who do I listen to? Who is right or who is wrong? Ok were back to where we began.  Ugggh. Why couldn’t life be so simple?

In such matters it boils down to a judgement call. At the end of the day we have to make up OUR MIND. No one can tell us what to do. People can help us think through things but each person has to make up their own mind and here is the thing I’ve been saying again and again. – people will come to different  conclusions. That’s just the way life is and there is nothing we can do about it – read Ecclesiastes.

I remember when I first decided to go back to the Chinese church many of my friends thought I was insane. The Chinese church was a waste of time they said. Many thought I could use my time better outside the Chinese church. For this reason many have opted for  “greener pastures”. Despite this I decided to stay and to stick it out. My years in ministry have not been easy. There have been times when I’ve contemplated leaving. Sometimes the wheels of change move very very slowly. But was it the ‘right’ decision? Who knows? Maybe I could have done more for the gospel outside the Chinese Church but then again it might have been a dead end. Who knows? That’s the nature of  wisdom. We can only make an ‘educated and prayerful guess”. Again read Ecclesiastes as well as Job. At the end of the day everyone has to make up their own minds what to do.

That being said, this is not a jump in the dark. We are constantly reassured in Scripture that God will grant us wisdom if we ask for it (James 1:5). Paul reminds us that our minds are being renewed so that we will be able to know the mind and will of God (Romans 12:2). God has constructed the wisdom in wisdom (See the book of Proverbs) and we have this word which is the source of all wisdom. Finally we are encouraged that God works in all things, without exception, for our ultimate good (See Romans 8:28,29).

What does this mean?

1. Pray for wisdom
2. Seek godly advice
3. be courageous
4. Make a decision
5. Trust God

One final thing, if people decide differently show respect. We need to heed the words of 1 Cor 4:4,5

“My conscience is clear, but that does not make me innocent. It is the Lord who judges me. Therefore judge nothing before the appointed time; wait till the Lord comes. He will bring to light what is hidden in darkness and will expose the motives of men’s hearts. At that time each will receive his praise from God.” 1 Corinthians 4:4, 5, NIV.